Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
