its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
