After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Randomize
