Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
