Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
