sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
