I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
