I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
