I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
