dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
