tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I need to calm my uterus...
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Randomize