Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
