i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize