I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
