Im at strip club and am horny
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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