I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
