Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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