Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize