that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
