Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
