i think my mom watched the whole time
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
