if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Randomize
