I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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