I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
The feeling are messing with the penis
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
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