YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Randomize
