did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Randomize
