I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
