I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
