Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
