I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
