I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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