allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
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