He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
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