I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I am available for nakedness
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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