her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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