seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize