if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
