I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
