Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
