I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Pooping to opera.
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