you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
