I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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