mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
