HIV tests are more positive than that guy
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
