those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
its liver damage thursday
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