So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
