Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
