I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
