every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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