i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I intend to get homeless drunk
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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