finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
