you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
