Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
