drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize