the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Randomize
