He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
