I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
