dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
