He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
