You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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