they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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