why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize