im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize