I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
