I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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