What did we do last night that was yellow?
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
