so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
