it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Randomize
