i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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