I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize