How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
