He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
false alarm. still invincible.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize