this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
