My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize