It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
